Thursday, December 8, 2011

martha stewart is my nemesis

Martha gets on my nerves.  For one WHY DOES her picture have to be on everything she produces?  I keep thinking she is about to retire and then no...she has a new line of simply beautiful home decor at kohls or something like that.  I'm kinda sick of her simply sweetly perfect home decor.  Because if you looked at my house right's not simple.  There is a layer of little people on the carpet, there is clashing stockings hanging on the mantel, I have throw pillows that were made by 8 year old girl scouts,( and it looks like possibly color blind girlscouts) My serving ware is primarily from the goodwill or from the day I was married. It doesn't coordinate.  I don't have a tiered cupcake stand.  There are things that just aren't up to marthas standard.  Oh and today on the view they had Martha showing how to make simply perfect holiday desserts.  She wouldn't give the recipe.  All the ladies on the view were like trying to get the recipe from her, like these chocolate cookies, and one of them said "So how do you make those chocolate cookies?" and Martha said  "It's dough!  You make them from dough!" with this really exasperated look on her face.  Like we all thought you made cookies from concrete or something.  Then in the same day in the dentist office I was reading some magazine and it said "Entertain Martha's way" where it then went   "Entertaining made perfectly simple."  She continued....something like this "When I want a simple christmas gathering I whip up about 20 of my favorite simple dishes, such as soup, and invite all my friends over for a lovely gathering in the kitchen"  20!!!  She seriously said 20 and I am not kidding.  Who besides someone with a hyperthyroid disorder whips up 20 pots of soup for some friends to come and eat in the kitchen?  So I've had enough of her simple holidays.   I'll take some messy, chaotic, disorganized holidays.  And my christmas tree with the top missing lights and all the ornaments from the bottom moved to the top because i have a 1 year old who likes to rearrange glass ornaments.  Or step on them.  Or throw them.  He even bit one.  And it broke and his lips bled. He's okay so don't worry.