our night

Let me get one thing clear...and open to the public.

My children nurse way past what most normal children do.

I didn't set out to be a boob nazi or a la leche leaguer or any kind of activist.

Actually I thought in my brain when I had Addie....I bet when they start to get teeth they don't need to nurse. Teeth=chewing food.

right? right?

wrong!!

I didn't set out to sleep with my kids.....I had a little crib set up, with handmade bedding.....and I never once used it. Never once!

I feel like a freak of nature a bit. All these little babes in the world soundly sleeping in cribs and I have mine nursing practically allnight.

And I'm not bothered by that. I think it's the lazy person in me. I avoid conflict, and once Addie and Eva were born I realized they would scream bloody murder every time I tried to make them sleep alone or limit the nursing thing. So I became a peacemaker and said..."What the heck...it's alot easier just to let her act like an ape ..she's happy, I'm happy...peace!"

so Addie nursed a LOOOOOOOONG time. Long enough to have a negotion for the whole process to be resolved peacefully. I'll leave that at that.

Eva is still nursing. And I'm not really bothered. Pregnancy does chemically change things a bit but overall I'm okay. she just does it occassionally. Until lately...until the past couple nights. When she feels desperately hungry at the wee hours of the morning.

Lately, she wakes up at 3 a.m. wants to nurse, until I ask her if she's hungry, then she nods her head. And she says...."I WANT CEREAL AND MILK!" So I go get the girl food. Then she feels perky and wants to read stories, and I say "No no no I'm really tired." Then she wants to turn on the lights. Then she starts talking alot how she wants me to do "cacka" which is some german thing my grandparents and parents did to our hands...like a little game. Then she wants me to do "This little piggy" on all 20 of her toes and fingers. Then she wants me to walk my fingers up her back and act like my fingers are little people walking to the pet store to buy a puppy. This was a game I invented once when I really really wanted her to lay down and relax.

So, me, pregnant and all, am very relieved when after this whole charade, she rolls over, and falls asleep. And if she nurses a little bit at that point...I don't even care.

And this all should end very soon...especially at night...because in April we will be having a baby boy! I can't have 2 of them at me at night that's for sure.

blackmail pictures posted

OF course I'd post a non scary picture of MUA what do you expect?

BUILD A BEAR ....the joyous place where you can buy your teddy bear clothes that cost more than what you pay for actual human clothes ...




black mail picture # 1.

Rach, you kinda look like you're casting a spell on someone.

cute eva picture break


blackmail picture # 2

this was part of our joint October birthday celebration...my camera stinks :(

and last but not least blackmail picture # 3

and finally a neutral non offensive picture of Eva's baby maple tree...it lost its red leaves and looks a little puny but I have to include a fall esque picture right? right? there ya go!

things on my mind:

1. holiday guilt: What would really happen to my family if I refused to take them to an autumn pumpkin patch this year and blog about it.....would I get struck by lightning? would the children have to go to therapy? would the grim wreeper with a jackolantern on his head come a knockin' and do us all in? just curious about that one. What If I became morally opposed to pumpkins? They're of the devil!!!! I'll just scream that and run every time I see one. Or I'm tired of inflicting pain on poor defenseless pumpkins. I'll tie myself to a large prickly gourd plant and cry hysterically any time someone comes to pick one...."DONT YOU SEE THEY ARE HURTING!!!! JUST STOP ALREADY!"

2. Our version of homeschooling is kind of light on the schooling part lately. You mix pregnancy hormones with the urgency of accomplishing anything productive and bad things happen. Yesterday I ended up sitting on the floor of our designated school room in tears while I colored an elaborate scene in the book Addie was supposed to be working in. I just was tired of everyone yelling at eachother. So I colored and cried. And Eva kept bringing me loads of toilet paper wadded up tissues and Addie colored me a rainbow with a flower and wrote a heartfelt note about how it was my birthday Saturday and she was so sorry she made me cry but she just really needed Eva to give her the paper. Then we all hugged and we were all okay. Happy joy

3. My life seems mysteriously simple but also incredibly exhausting right now. I can't really line the two up...should be very simple....but it's making me so tired. I also love wallowing in my sorrows if you can't tell. I'm not the type to hold it all in. I have to vent. So there I did it and I feel oh so better.

4. I love Danny. He is awesome. Danny deals with 50 kids every day so he totally has his bad days too so when he comes home he is ready to play with and love just being around 2 sweet little girls. I never knew the way our children would make our love grow but I can't imagine not having his energy and excitement for our own little world we live in. He's so excited about our 3rd he tells EVERYONE! Sometimes we watch Addie and Eva as they are asleep and we just like stare at them and giggle and smile like we won the lottery and have the secret to the universe. the secret is our family is the greatest joy in the world and no one can take it from us.....it's ALLLL ours!

so anyways I better head to the bed.... I love you all my family and friends. see don't I cheer up once I vent? That's just how I work!

these girls don't get enough high fructose corn syrup in their diet..........these are way too delightful to them.

I remember loving capri suns so much I would down a whole box of them in one day.

I remember loving every disgusting thing that my mom would never buy......pop tarts,
any little debbie product,
chips,
frozen dinners, pizza rolls, hot pockets. ( I can't get that comedien guy saying "hot pocket" out of my head whenever I see those)
fast food
and airheads, laffy taffy, any kind of gummy, all forms of chocolate, funyons (that is a hilarious name for a food product) and pretzel sticks at the pool.
anyways
It seems like my blogs have been about food alot lately.

So basically....the past month the only foods I could stomach were these disgusting childhood favorites. I didn't want juice...I wanted capri suns. I didn't want homemade pizza I wanted a disgusting frozen pizza roll.

BUT the clouds have parted and angels descended and I have emerged from the first trimester and I truly, really do feel much much better. And my cravings for spaghettios have left me and I am so so so happy about that.

Dedicatory Addie Birthday Post

Addie turned six today and I look back at my one year old blue eyed baby. Addie didn't walk until 18 months this was one of the first times she really stood up....

the strange outfits I put on her lasted until she wisened up at about two and started dressing herself......(i like dannys expression)

here we are today on the day of her birth

I never realized that my childrens' birthdays would be more important than many days....but they are. I think about that September sunny day Addie was born (really exhausting and difficult) and the moments we had when she was first born....she was really alert and I remember exclaiming about how beautiful she was and how I loved her so much as she stared at me with furrowed eyebrows. Addie's always been my serious girl, taking in the world before jumping in, watching and waiting but always happily so. She's never been moody and she is my sweet, pure love. Physically,she's tiny but she has a wise, big, spirit in her.

happy birthday!!

cell phone talking...a newfound hobby

She's become a reader, and a writer, and is all business everyday as she files her papers, and writes every color she can think of, and spells out long journal entries and makes her business calls to her cousins.

I need a new camera!!!

That sweet, fine and lovely camera I got for cheap at Sam's club six years ago...well it just ain't what it used to be. The screen is foggy...there are flecks everytime I take a picture and it looks like snow is in people's hair. I know this is an affect the professionals strive for......but.....I need one of those awesome new digital cameras with like 30 megapixels that makes EVERYONE look like a professional photographer just by tilting it a funny angle and zooming in. I also want it to take video too....soooo I guess I need to start hunting on the net.

So until then expect some crappy pictures!

This month has been difficult...if you haven't been able to tell that from my posts. I just am so sick of feeling like I am dying of cancer. I'm very, truly, extremely happy we are going to have a new baby shortly but this is the hard part for me. I would seriously rather be huge with back aches, and hemmrhoids,(how on earth do you spell that) and unable to go from a sitting to standing position than this early pregnancy junk. So I called my Doctor and said...."I feel so sick can you please help me!!" and they said...."Eat protein and a carb every two hours!" And then I said...."I'm throwing up my proteins and carbs!"
and then they told me to drink milk! That is like asking a vampire to eat garlic or something. BAAAAAAAAD! Milk, water and juice are really hard for me to drink. So I am basically always dehydrated.
So the nurse said..."Well we can call you in a special medicine that might help."
and I was very relieved....but the paranoid side of my brain was like.....OH NO this is going to make my baby have some bad deformity! So I asked her if it would make my baby deformed
and she was like "NO! We wouldn't tell you to take something that would do that."
and I was like...."Right of course." But inside I'm a little suspicious.

So I took it last night....I didn't think it helped for a while...but I got through the evening without throwing up...I even ate some bread and sat at the table while everyone ate dinner.

So I guess it works a little.

what's coming up

That sounds disgusting I know....I blessed this pregnancy with my first episode of puking tonight.
I feel horrible, I look horrible, I pretty much feel like this baby is the boy in the bubble and I'm the bubble and I don't do much but protect it from all harm for a while before letting it out of the bubble. But this bubble isn't a happy bubble. anyways bad analogy.

Today while I was having school with Addie I heard a message on my answering machine. It was from the Drs. office I go to saying that I should call them back because they have my test results. I had NO idea what test results they were talking about. I've been to this dr. when I had the girls and they never call about test results.....as long as they're normal. Then I remembered they took like 3 containers of blood from me. And I started to panic....The baby has trisomy 18 and its not going to live past birth! What am I going to do? How can I bury my own child the second it's born? What kind of casket should I pick out? Or it could have down syndrome..or it could have spina bifida or something..... I started crying and ran down the stairs to get the phone and call them immediately.

As I was on the phone the nurse paused for a really long time and she was like...."You have a UTI so I'm calling in a prescription for you."

"I do???" I was almost ecstatic....."But I don't even feel like...any weird feelings....like I don't feel like I have a UTI....are you sure?"

"Yes" she said. "We're sure. Now where do you want your prescription sent to?"

My mind is a fragile and troubling thing right now.
I need that sign....Stay calm and carry on....