Dedicatory Addie Birthday Post

Addie turned six today and I look back at my one year old blue eyed baby. Addie didn't walk until 18 months this was one of the first times she really stood up....

the strange outfits I put on her lasted until she wisened up at about two and started dressing herself......(i like dannys expression)

here we are today on the day of her birth

I never realized that my childrens' birthdays would be more important than many days....but they are. I think about that September sunny day Addie was born (really exhausting and difficult) and the moments we had when she was first born....she was really alert and I remember exclaiming about how beautiful she was and how I loved her so much as she stared at me with furrowed eyebrows. Addie's always been my serious girl, taking in the world before jumping in, watching and waiting but always happily so. She's never been moody and she is my sweet, pure love. Physically,she's tiny but she has a wise, big, spirit in her.

happy birthday!!

cell phone talking...a newfound hobby

She's become a reader, and a writer, and is all business everyday as she files her papers, and writes every color she can think of, and spells out long journal entries and makes her business calls to her cousins.

I need a new camera!!!

That sweet, fine and lovely camera I got for cheap at Sam's club six years ago...well it just ain't what it used to be. The screen is foggy...there are flecks everytime I take a picture and it looks like snow is in people's hair. I know this is an affect the professionals strive for......but.....I need one of those awesome new digital cameras with like 30 megapixels that makes EVERYONE look like a professional photographer just by tilting it a funny angle and zooming in. I also want it to take video too....soooo I guess I need to start hunting on the net.

So until then expect some crappy pictures!

This month has been difficult...if you haven't been able to tell that from my posts. I just am so sick of feeling like I am dying of cancer. I'm very, truly, extremely happy we are going to have a new baby shortly but this is the hard part for me. I would seriously rather be huge with back aches, and hemmrhoids,(how on earth do you spell that) and unable to go from a sitting to standing position than this early pregnancy junk. So I called my Doctor and said...."I feel so sick can you please help me!!" and they said...."Eat protein and a carb every two hours!" And then I said...."I'm throwing up my proteins and carbs!"
and then they told me to drink milk! That is like asking a vampire to eat garlic or something. BAAAAAAAAD! Milk, water and juice are really hard for me to drink. So I am basically always dehydrated.
So the nurse said..."Well we can call you in a special medicine that might help."
and I was very relieved....but the paranoid side of my brain was like.....OH NO this is going to make my baby have some bad deformity! So I asked her if it would make my baby deformed
and she was like "NO! We wouldn't tell you to take something that would do that."
and I was like...."Right of course." But inside I'm a little suspicious.

So I took it last night....I didn't think it helped for a while...but I got through the evening without throwing up...I even ate some bread and sat at the table while everyone ate dinner.

So I guess it works a little.

what's coming up

That sounds disgusting I know....I blessed this pregnancy with my first episode of puking tonight.
I feel horrible, I look horrible, I pretty much feel like this baby is the boy in the bubble and I'm the bubble and I don't do much but protect it from all harm for a while before letting it out of the bubble. But this bubble isn't a happy bubble. anyways bad analogy.

Today while I was having school with Addie I heard a message on my answering machine. It was from the Drs. office I go to saying that I should call them back because they have my test results. I had NO idea what test results they were talking about. I've been to this dr. when I had the girls and they never call about test results.....as long as they're normal. Then I remembered they took like 3 containers of blood from me. And I started to panic....The baby has trisomy 18 and its not going to live past birth! What am I going to do? How can I bury my own child the second it's born? What kind of casket should I pick out? Or it could have down syndrome..or it could have spina bifida or something..... I started crying and ran down the stairs to get the phone and call them immediately.

As I was on the phone the nurse paused for a really long time and she was like...."You have a UTI so I'm calling in a prescription for you."

"I do???" I was almost ecstatic....."But I don't even feel like...any weird feelings....like I don't feel like I have a UTI....are you sure?"

"Yes" she said. "We're sure. Now where do you want your prescription sent to?"

My mind is a fragile and troubling thing right now.
I need that sign....Stay calm and carry on....